It is a snowy day in New York today. I just
finished applying two positions and made a list of searched jobs on the
spreadsheet. Before grabbing my macbook, I had a coffee and fresh
croissant. My long-term boyfriend (5 years now), he works during the night
(6pm-6am), so while on his way back home in the morning, he gets me fresh
croissant, soft, and fluffy. I love it when it is little brownish. Thanks
to him, I am beginning to see positive thoughts (he is a real deal in positive
thinking/ignoring the stressed). Not that I am always negative. It is the “Job
Search” that made me feel so down, frustrated, and stressed out.
It has been now 8 months since I have been
searching job in NY. Things are difficult but I encourage myself not to fall on
negative emotions. I have stopped talking to my sisters for a while now.
I love them. They are very caring, but when you are searching job, you don’t
want to hear them say, “You should do this and that” when I am doing all these:
searching job/networking/attending events etc. Also, when I meet them,
they have this look that makes me feel very low, “you still haven’t found a
job?” “wow! You have graduated from this prestigious university and still
no job???” So now, since graduation last summer, am off and on replying
their text and voice messages. I don’t feel like going out and talking to them
until I fix my career on track.
These past three to four months, I have been using
meditation technique to deal with my emotions. It really helped me
reduced my stressed level and increased focus. If you are searching for
job or stressed in life due to work, personal relationship, debt, family
issues, tragic incident in life etc. I will recommend you to follow these:
- Lost something valuable? Thinking makes the difference: While searching for job last year, July 2013, my macbook air was stolen. It was such a bad luck for me (when I needed my computer the most, I lost it). First, I was thinking, oh no! All my applications, my past grad school courses, research papers, and many other important stuff. Later, I didn’t panic much, and instead I was hoping that whoever stole it maybe needed more than me. I learned from my grandfather that if you loose something, search but don’t get panic or stressed out, maybe the other person needed more than you.
-
This helped me throughout my life. While in college, I lost a valuable
stuff and my friends were so surprised to see me calm. Of course, I was sad but
if you can’t find it then what is the point of getting stressed and sad. Maybe
other person needed the most.
-
Why I am saying that this helped me? Some of us, friends, went out
to watch movie and one of them lost her wallet. She cried and panic, we went
looking every corner once theater was empty, reached back to dorm tired and
sad. She actually suspected the person who was sitting behind our row stole it.
Next day, I found out that there were only few cash and some unnecessary
business cards. (why she wasted her energy crying and wrapping with negative
emotions, suspecting someone who might have not stolen it , rather came to
theater with his friends to enjoy it….)
- Feel empathy– When you feel other’s pain or think of someone who is less fortunate than you, it is nature of brain to lower down your anxiety/stressed. When I complained about my life and not getting a job, I think of those who don’t even get a proper meal for the day in developing countries. I recently read about an Indian man who has 5 daughters, and how he went through such suffer. His third daughter seeing her father in such pain, she hanged herself. I know my family went through a very rough time. My father was away to another country for business with no news of him for a year or two. My mother was with her 6 daughters. Finally, when a known rich couple (wife claims my mother is her good friend) asked me for adoption in my hometown, I was chosen. I was only 6 at that time. They have many names on their list. Somehow, looking at my parent, known to be - humble, honest, hardworking, and very kind - got the prize. This prize came with a huge pain in my life. I was sexually abused by my stepfather, discriminated, and even dominated my mind in such a way that I still feel very scare to call my stepmom. She expects me to send money. I don’t have a job so am afraid to call her, afraid she might nag me or snap me or use some sarcastic words that will scare my heart again. I feel like I am sending money for raising me.
- Compassion, offer help: Just last week, riding NY subway train, a man came in shouting, “I lost my job, please contribute some money.” I felt bad but I closed my eyes and murmured to myself, “even I don’t have a job & searching.” While returning back home on the train, I found another man who has only one leg, using a clutch and spreading his cap with his right hand, asking for money. I again told myself, “what the heck, although I don’t have a job I can at least offer him $1”. So I gave him the money, he said thank you & god bless you. Many times, when I see people handicapped, I feel some kind of emotion attached to it. I just wanted to give something what I have but then it is New York City, without job, you can’t afford to give away. However, once I was sitting on the waiting bench on the platform, an old lady was having her leg in pain and she was rubbing it with her eyes closed creating more wrinkle appeared on her face (seems in real pain). I felt a gust of emotion that I wanted to ask her if she needed help. She was surprised when I offered to massage her leg & knee. I was wearing a dress with legging and I kind of sat down in squat position (weird) & massaged her leg. Her leg skin shows that she has experience many things in life with brown spots on that pale skin and red socks that has one little hole on the side ankle. I was blessed and happy to see her gratitude smile.
- Meditation, focus, aware of your negative emotions: While searching job, I constantly sit on a chair for 2-5 hours - straight, however, I found out later that it is really a bad idea. When I look at the computer screen for long time, my mind started to get tired, frustrated, irritated, and it cause me to scream out loud. Yes, scream out LOUD!! When this happens, what I do is meditate. It helps me a lot. If you ever experience this, I suggest you to just sit down on the floor with cushion underneath (or be on the chair/ couch/bed) and just let the all thoughts to come over. Just be aware of your thought, it is like you are watching traffic from your car window. You will surprise to find numerous thoughts appearing (may even jam the traffic). Don’t worry! Just be aware of it and slowly you will manage to find few thoughts on the road. Finally, you will find yourself hearing your own breath, and thoughts are not very visible. That is the moment you will feel peace and relax in mind. I suggest you to just sit there for 3-5 minutes for beginner and slowly increase the duration. It will need some practice. I promise that you will find some peace in your mind and you will feel more relax, and smile more often with positive thoughts.
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